Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I'm so sorry I did not post last month. It was not because I don't think of you, cos I do. Often. But I had a hard time writing it, and it never seemed right, and I wasn't happy with how it looked or sounded. And well, as we all know, when I'm stuck, I give up. But, mum always use to say, "The way you start your year, influences how the year will go." So I'm stating off the year right, with my letter to you.

Better late than never, I suppose.

I don't want you to think I don't miss you. Because I do. Everyday. And while I'm not quite as angry as I was last year, I'm a lot sadder. Mainly I'm sad because you have two amazing grandchildren growing up into amazing human beings, and you're missing it.

Ethan is in the fifth grade. Which means in May he will graduate from primary school. Next year he starts middle school, so he will be on the secondary campus. Can you believe it? I can't.

Ethan still loves drama. This past year, he has been in three shows. He was in Kids Rock at the Little Theatre, he played Captain Hook at theatre camp and he was in the Christmas show at the Little Theatre. He's also currently in rehearsals for the school musical. He plays the lead character in Aladdin. He's really into the whole drama/acting/theatre thing. He's continuing with guitar lessons, has joined the school band and choir and wants to start voice lessons this year.

But asides from the acting thing, he's doing well in school too. His teacher says he's got a lot of empathy in him. This year, he helped another student with her reading and fluency and wrote a script for his class assembly. He's also doing well in Maths. Scott says he gets that from him, but I think he gets that from you. Ethan's also taken a leadership role at school. During the first semester, he lead an after school activity, Rock Climbing Club. He was really good. You'd be proud. Ethan's been gobbling books this past year, like they're going out of style. This Christmas, 80% of his gifts were books.

Speaking of Christmas, we went to London this year. We got to spend some time with Shireen. She ended up spoiling Ethan. It's quite possible she bought him more gifts than we did. 

Not sure if you know, but Minaz works for Parks Ontario, or Toronto, or something along those lines. Yup, she's not going to be impressed I've messed that up. But my point is, this summer, while in Toronto, she, Karim and Kahzmir took Ethan to some wonderful events in different parks. One of the things Kahzmir and Ethan did was join an outdoor workshop on game designs. Ethan loved it, that we made sure to go back into the city the following weekend so he could continue. The children invented new games, refined them, came up with rules and tried them out. If you have wifi, please check them out here.  (See....it's these things that break my heart that you're missing.)

Speaking of the Kanji's. Karim had a podcast. I'll admit I haven't listened to them all (he's not going to be impressed that I just admitted to that), but the ones I've heard are fantastic. I can honestly say I've learnt a lot from them. You always believed we should keep up with the ages. Karim embodies that. And he uses it for good. (I'm making him sound like a super hero.) If you can, please take a listen to it here. 

Faiza is another one who I see a little of you in. She organized a cousins' get-together over Christmas. For Qayam's first birthday, she asked friends and family to write him a letter, and the plan is to give it to him on his 18th birthday. The idea reminded me of the letter you wrote me on my 1st birthday that I got on my 21st. I know if you were here, you'd write Qayam a five page letter, filled with history and advice and love. I can only hope I've represented you well in my letter to him. Faiza also has this incredible ability to see the good in everyone and everything. I definitely need to spend more time with her when am home. She makes me want to be a better person, and not such a negative ninny. She is most certainly a reminder of what you held near and dear, and of your greatest qualities. She's an amazing mother. You would love Qayam. And guess what, she's expecting another bundle of joy this summer.

Speaking of babies, I'm incredibly upset that you're missing out on an amazing opportunity. Rehanna is about to become a mum. Yes, your great niece is having a baby. That means you could've been a great great uncle! We don't know the sex of the baby yet (well at least she hasn't shared with me), but if you have any pull, we could use some more girls in this family. There are an awful lot of boys! 

Keeping with the Manek family, Haseena is in Wales this year, finishing her Masters. This summer, the Manek family took Ethan to the aquarium for his birthday. Ethan bought a stuffed animal which later that evening went missing. Haseena went back to the aquarium to buy him a new one.  She is incredible. But you already knew that. Nabeel is beyond amazing. Ethan had a rough time at the beginning of the school year. And he really wouldn't open up to Scott or I. But he and Nabeel email each other constantly. He's the big brother Ethan doesn't have. And I know as long as Nabeel is an email, or text message away, Ethan will never be alone. He's found himself someone trustworthy to rely on, to give him advice and help him through the tough times. And I cannot be more grateful for that. He may be the quietest one in the family, but he is a true gem. Shelina and Akhter continue to be the rocks we need. When Ethan and I are in the city, they check on us, and their door is always open. It reminds me of growing up, where that house was always open and the fridge could always be raided. It's nice to know Ethan can walk in there, hang out, eat and relax. And when mum's in town, Shelina always checks in on her too.

Shelina could use you to watch over. The last few months have been rough. I know Papa is there with you. His passing was hard on her (and mum). She then lost her grandmother. She's always been there for me, and I feel like I need to be there for her, but am so far away. 

Rasool continues to amaze me. He is so you. I know I've said that before, but it's true. I always thought I took after you and he after mum. But I am most definitely mum, while he is you. He is calm, rational, prioritizes family and does not hold a grudge. I really could learn a lot from him!!! Hayley is the cutest. She's funny and has developed a unique personality. I cannot wait to see what trouble she causes Rasool! She has him wrapped around her finger, and it makes me giggle when he tells me how he's given her a time out. Like you did when I was young, he sits with her at breakfast. Like mum, he encourages her to help him cook, and she is not a picky eater. Think Ethan needs to spend more time with her. Not only are you missing out on seeing your granddaughter grow up, but you are also missing seeing your son grow. I know you constantly worried about him. But there was no need. He is a mature, incredible young man. He knows that family is the measure of a man's wealth. 

I still do not understand why you had to leave us. There's so much you're missing out on, and I cannot believe you would willingly want to leave us. But I know you were there for Papa, and that brings me some comfort. Maybe I'm finally growing up?

Love you lots. Miss you loads,

Dear Mum

Hi mum,

I know today is a hard day for everyone, but especially hard for you. It's been a year since dad left us. You were at his side. You were so sad, and I remember you saying how you and dad had a deal, that you would leave first.

But mom, despite how hard this year has been, I have to say how proud I am of you.

Rasool and I have different memories of our mother. When I was in primary school, you worked full time. I remember you coming to my school when I got into trouble. I remember taking the bus downtown to meet you. We'd go for a late lunch, then go home. I remember how the bottom of your desk drawer was filled with shoes!

When Rasool was in primary school, you stayed home. And this was great for us. But it means he remembers you differently than I.

When dad passed away, I worried about you. I still do, but you have amazed me. The strong mother I remember is here. I was scared that you would not be able to handle his passing. And while it has been hard, you have remained strong. Over the course of this year you have:

*  Faced many obstacles, and you have never given up.

* Stood up to me when I told you what I thought.

* Shown more forgiveness than I could ever imagine possessing.

You continue to teach Ethan. You continue to show Hailey your love.

You are an amazingly strong woman.

I'm so proud to call you my mom.

One Year

November 28th, 2015

Dear Dad,

It's been a year since your accident. A year since I got the call to go to the hospital. A year since I last saw you. A year since I never got to say good-bye.

Yes, dad, I'm still angry. Not as much as before. But still angry that you left. But.... this is not a letter to yell and scream at you. No, this is me, your loving, yet ever-so sarcastic daughter (by the way, who did I inherit my sarcastic nature from? You are the complete opposite of sarcastic) here to let you know how you made a bad choice. By leaving us, you missed a whole lot of goodness that 2015 brought.

So where do I start? Go month-by-month and tell you what you missed each month? Or maybe I should bulk the great events? Well, while you were not a fan of crowds, you were always there for family, but this year, you missed out on some amazing events.

In May, Jamila got married. I know you got a chuckle out of her choosing the 23rd as her wedding day. I mean, I got married on her dad's birthday, so it's only fitting she got married on your birthday. I'll be honest, this one made me bitter. Mum felt she should be there, and I disagreed, but let's not argue about who's right (cos in case you've forgotten, I'm as stubborn as a mule). And while you missed out on a gorgeous wedding, Karima spent the day with mum. She took her shopping and they spend the day talking about you. Karima sent me this picture. She takes after you, and takes care of her family.

In August, Zahida got married. While we missed that wedding, Rasool went and kept mum company. I'm told it was a lovely wedding. And you missed it!

 October was the best though. The first great niece/nephew got married. Granted Rehanna is a niece not nephew, and she is your first great niece. She had a simple yet gorgeous wedding. Ethan and I made it there. I know how close you were to Shelina, she really could have used your support. But I was there. And Ethan had so much fun.

Speaking of which, here's another great you missed in October. Being in Canada with Ethan. Did you know he had never seen autumn colours before? He was in absolute awe at the colours and the leaves and the crunchy sound the leaves make when you walk on them. 

Oh, and before you go on thinking that that was the end of the year of weddings, well, you'd be wrong. In December Amin-Mohammed gets married. See dad. That's four weddings you missed out on. And four weddings where you were missed.

But weddings weren't the only thing that 2015 brought. There were babies too. 

Gulla and Mohammed gave Amira a little brother. And the best, is just this past week, Faiza had a gorgeous baby boy. Rashida aunty is a proud grandma to another grandson. There seems to be a lot of boys in this family!

Your grandkids have also had a great year. Ethan turned 9. We took him to Disney as part of his birthday. Hailey turned 2. She's quite the chatterbox. She knows her way around the condo too, which is quite cute to see. 

                                          

Now I know, that biologically these two are your grandkids, but let's be honest, you have two others. Imaan and Afraaz have grown and it's scary. They are no longer in boarding school in India. They are in Canada now. Afraaz is in Nova Scotia  and Imaan is in Toronto. 

Imaan would like you to see her new haircut.

While we're on the topic of grandkids and school, your great-niece Haseena is spending this year in Denmark. She got into an amazing Masters program. You'd be thrilled with her accomplishments. 

Karim, is still quite the character. I sometimes wonder if he and Ethan are in competition for funniest relative. He thinks it's very important that I share his newest tattoo (because he knows how much you loooove the ink)!

He says to tell you the birds can either be he, Aneez and Faiza,
or the 3 grandsons of Rashida Aunty.

You'll be happy to know, that your sister has cut him out of her will for this latest shenanigans.

Now, I should be honest, Karim isn't the only one to get a new tattoo. I got one too. It's a Lily of the Valley. Your birth-flower. The whole time I got it done, I wondered if it was an oxymoron to get a tattoo to commemorate you, while you were not a fan of them!

2015 was also a great year for me too. Guess where I went this summer? Boston. Well, to be honest, I didn't really see much of Boston. I spent most of the week in Cambridge. Harvard to be exact. Yes dad, your daughter spent a week at Harvard. I thought of you all week. I especially figured you'd come for the weekend, and we'd go the walking tour together. You would have loved that.

Canada also had a great year, or will have some great years ahead??? In October we voted in a new Prime Minister. There's a Trudeau back on the hill. The Harper years are over. And you're going to miss Trudeau2.0!

I know you can't come back. And as angry as I get, I'm also still sad. I miss you, dad. Everyday. I wish you'd stayed. I wish you were still here. Ethan and I talk of you often. You'll always be a part of our lives. You'll always be in our heart.

All my love,

Fatima