Friday, May 22, 2015

Happy Birthday Dad

I've learned that
regardless of your
relationship with your
you'll miss them
when they're gone
from your life.
                               - Maya Angelou

Today would be my dad's birthday.
Tomorrow marks
6 months since his accident.
And I am still fluctuating
denial and anger.
I haven't really moved beyond that.
And while members of my family
celebrate a wedding this weekend.
I miss my dad.

I miss my dad.
I cry at least 4 times a week.

I'm in denial,
cos I still can't believe he's gone.
We hadn't been very close
in years,
but I am having a hard time understanding
that I can't just call him.
Or see him.
Ever again.

And I'm angry.
Not for him leaving,
but for everyone else
who feels they can tell me
what he would want.

I've been wanting to write 
a beautiful birthday post
for my dad,
but every time I start
I go off on one tangent
or another.

It never comes out right.

But it's his birthday today,
and since I can't wish him a 
happy one,
I'm going to stop being angry for 
five minutes.

My dad taught me to value one's family.
He loved his siblings.
They were the world to them.
My brother and I 
may not have been close growing up
but he's the best baby brother a girl
could ask for.

My dad believed you could do anything
you set your mind to.
He's taught me
the importance of the encouraging word.

My dad loved to travel.
He showed me there was a big wide world,
just outside your door.
You could learn a lot,
just by hopping on a plane to a new destination.
And when you get there,
take advantage of what there is,
no matter how small it may seem.

It hurts that he is gone.
2015 is an amazing year.
He'd be so proud of everything 
that's going on.

I have a cousin
who got into an amazing Masters
When she told me,
I thought
I can't wait till dad hears.

her sister got engaged.
Dad will be so thrilled!

And another cousin is expecting.
Dad has another great niece/nephew to spoil.

Each time good news comes,
I'm angry that dad won't be here
to see these things.
I will soon learn to breathe
and remember
that he sees it all
and that he's smiling at us.

So dad,
for your birthday,
I promise to try
to be angry less.
I will try.
And since that's all you ever asked of me
that I try,
I know you'll be proud.

I've learnt
that people will forget what you've said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
       - Maya Angelou

Happy birthday dad.