Happy Birthday Dad

I've learned that

regardless of your

relationship with your

parents,

you'll miss them

when they're gone

from your life.

                               - Maya Angelou

Today would be my dad's birthday.

Tomorrow marks

6 months since his accident.

And I am still fluctuating

between

denial and anger.

I haven't really moved beyond that.

And while members of my family

celebrate a wedding this weekend.

I miss my dad.

I miss my dad.

Everyday.

I cry at least 4 times a week.

I'm in denial,

cos I still can't believe he's gone.

We hadn't been very close

in years,

but I am having a hard time understanding

that I can't just call him.

Or see him.

Ever again.

And I'm angry.

Not for him leaving,

but for everyone else

who feels they can tell me

what he would want.

I've been wanting to write 

a beautiful birthday post

for my dad,

but every time I start

I go off on one tangent

or another.

It never comes out right.

But it's his birthday today,

and since I can't wish him a 

happy one,

I'm going to stop being angry for 

five minutes.

My dad taught me to value one's family.

He loved his siblings.

They were the world to them.

My brother and I 

may not have been close growing up

but he's the best baby brother a girl

could ask for.

My dad believed you could do anything

you set your mind to.

He's taught me

the importance of the encouraging word.

My dad loved to travel.

He showed me there was a big wide world,

just outside your door.

You could learn a lot,

just by hopping on a plane to a new destination.

And when you get there,

take advantage of what there is,

no matter how small it may seem.

It hurts that he is gone.

2015 is an amazing year.

He'd be so proud of everything 

that's going on.

I have a cousin

who got into an amazing Masters

program.

When she told me,

I thought

I can't wait till dad hears.

Meanwhile,

her sister got engaged.

Dad will be so thrilled!

And another cousin is expecting.

Dad has another great niece/nephew to spoil.

Each time good news comes,

I'm angry that dad won't be here

to see these things.

But,

I will soon learn to breathe

and remember

that he sees it all

and that he's smiling at us.

So dad,

for your birthday,

I promise to try

to be angry less.

I will try.

And since that's all you ever asked of me

that I try,

I know you'll be proud.

I've learnt

that people will forget what you've said,

people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget

how you made them feel.

       - Maya Angelou

Happy birthday dad.